Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room; well I'm here with you...

Cognitively, I seem to be functioning remarkably well at this stage of an all-nighter. This coming from someone who needs 10 hours of sleep a day who didn't sleep all day and didn't get much of it the previous night either. This must be what they call the "second wind". This is the last time I leave an entire semester's worth of journal reflections to the last week.

"At first I thought she was just gonna send me a copy of the Jump Little Children cd but no; Courtney actually picked out the best ones and she also-"
"She made you a mixtape"
"... yeah"

I'm beginning to think that I can only truly befriend people who like Jack's Mannequin. There is only one reason why anyone would call it a mixtape in this day an age: in reference to the Jack's Mannequin tune.

Funny thing, these mixtapes. I don't know if the people who make them ever realize the significance they can have on the person they give it to. I think you have to have gotten one in your life to fully appreciate what it's like. It just seems to me that whenever I talk to anyone who has ever done the mixing, they always shrug it off like it's no big deal. And to some extent, they're right. If you're musically savvy, it doesn't take THAT much of an effort to create a mixtape. All the songs are already in your possession and you just throw them together in an organized and thematic way. I'm dumbing it down of course, but it's not like building a ship in a bottle. It's one of those things where the effort put in doesn't always match the effect it has. Usually, the more effort you put into something, the greater the result will be. And while that is invariably true of mixtapes as well, I find that the effort we put into mixtapes tend to be disproportional to the meaning people on the receiving end attach to them.

This is why dissing someone's mixtape is a major faux pas in my books. Mixtapes are so personal that even if you don't like the mix, you don't get license to criticize it the way you do songs or playlists. The reason for this is because mixtapes are made by someone, for someone and if you don't like it, well sucks to be you because that mix wasn't made for you. We release songs, albums, and playlists of songs out to the public with the understanding that they're meant to be heard by everyone who cares to listen. In this way, we accept that some people are going to like it and some people aren't and we accept the criticisms that come with it. Mixtapes on the other hand, are designed with one specific person in mind so if you're not that specific person, you have no license to judge it... or at least, you have no license to judge it and expect your judgment to hold value. You can't criticize something for not doing or being something it was never intended to do or be. It offers itself to criticism from one person and one person only: the recipient of said mixtape. This is my more lucid and thought out answer to a discussion Grant and I had over Thanksgiving. Yes, it has only occurred to me at this point in time to post about it.

My peaceful slumber was abruptly awoken this morning by the sound of my housemates furiously screaming amongst each other. Seriously, this is the first time I've ever heard two women go at each other with a locked door between each other. Not very discreet of them... I'm not even in the least bit interested in their argument and I couldn't help but hear every detail of their squabble. This in lieu of much needed sleep too! *grumble grumble*. All that and not a punch thrown.

Today was the best day I've had since school started. Hands down. Better late than never I guess.

Going through the motions of daily life, I've come to recognize why I rent films every weekend almost without fail. I've realized that when I see a good film, it reminds me that I still have the capability to feel. That's what it is. It's been so long since I felt much of anything that when I see a scene in a film that makes me feel something, it's kinda nice you know. That's why The Girl Next Door for example, is the best teen comedy in the history of teen comedies. I can watch the film and feel something, which doesn't happen when I watch other generic comedies. And this is why for all it's directionlessness and general lack of plot, I enjoyed I'm Reed Fish. Cause it's got that really sad scene in it that makes you feel something. And I guess that's all I'm really holding onto right now.

"When I'm with you, I don't feel so... alone you know?"
"I'm flattered... but..."

I hate the term "flattered". It might be the single worst term I would ever want to hear in a conversation. Thank about its most common applicable usage: "I'm flattered... but..." The term "but" almost invariable follows any statement that involves the term "flattered". Why? Because it is almost always a term associated with embarassment mingled with a hint that what comes next might not be something we want to hear. When we feel "flattered," it' susually because someone has said something good aobut us and we feel bad for them because we're about to say something in return that probably won't make them feel that good. I don't recall ever having heard the term "flattered" used in any other way. This is especically true when you tell someone how muc you care aobut them and the first thing they say is that they're flattered. So really, try to use another term the next time you shoot someone down. i suppose they won't feel that much better as an end result but at least you sound a lot less insincere.

That by the way, is straight out of my dissertation on life. It's true though. That quotation at the beginning of this post was probably one of the worst moments of my life. Like getting punched in the stomach.

So the flixter application on facebook allows us to rate films. What results is a large slew of university students proclaiming things like "This is such a childish/immature/cheesy film" when rating High School Musical.

Well duh? Have you seen the demographics of its intended audience? Really now... words cannot express how low my opinion of such people sinks when I read something like that. Sure, let's make it a mature film with adult themes and realistic settings. Then let's call it "High School Musical" and release it on Family Channel for kids to see.

I was just talking to my housemate recently about people who are inconsiderate or don't bother thinking and how I think we'd be better off without them. Case in point. For one class, we have to work in groups for an assignment. It's due Tuesday. So I ask everyone when they're free to meet up on the weekend. This one person says he's busy all weekend and apparently had NO free time. Another group member suggests Monday and gives us a time when he's free and some times when he's not free. The same person who's busy all weekend emails back and says "No, I have class during Suhail's suggested time on Monday". And that's it. Well fuck, if you're busy all weekend and busy during Suhail's suggested time, when do you want to do the assignment? The least you can do is tell us when you're free so then maybe we can work around your schedule but to just send an email saying "No, I have class during Suhail's suggested time", well bloody hell, good job. Do you just not want to do the assignment and fail the course?

I swear... some people...

When you watch films and stuff, even granting that the art of make up in Hollywood is probably a multi-billion dollar industry, doesn't it sometimes strike you that there are some people who are just good looking to the point where it's unfair. I'm not talking about general prettiness or attraction or magneticism or even people who are 9.5 out of 10 on the beauty scale. That stuff I can make sense of. But really now, some people are just ridiculously, flawlessly beautiful to the point where you think that if the universe exists in a perfect balance, where every action has an equal and opposite reaction, how many people must have gotten shafted to allow her to be as good looking as she is. Seriously, where do these people come from? It's like they were dipped into some magical gene pool and every cell in their face fell into perfect alignment when they were born.

80% on my first English paper! w00t! Normally I start at a 65 or 70 and only work my way up to 80s on English papers by the end of the course. I have this thing where I normally need to know what kind of person my T.A. is before I can gear my essay towards their liking. Talk about starting off on the right foot.

Now to prepare for the in-class essay. I also have to write a paper on asperger's syndrome for my prof class as part of the learning disability workshop. How freaky is that. Actually, not very freaky since I requested it but man, I get to learn so much about myself! This should be an interesting paper to write. "An essay on Asperger's Syndrome - by clinically diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome sufferer, Jon Wong".

Ugh... it's due Monday though and I've not even started. Same goes for the in class essay. Oh well. Good thing I have no life or else I'd actually have to worry about not having the time to finish.

Brilliancy from The Girl Next Door. Really, every decision you make in life boils down to one simple principle. Just ask yourself, is the juice worth the squeeze? How can you not qualify that as one of the most brilliant metaphors ever created? It just doesn't get any better.

I think it's about finding that one thing you really care about; that one special thing that means more to you than anything in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all. You put her in front of everything; your future, your life, all of it. And maybe some of the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean; you know what? It doesn't matter. Cause in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze.

I don't know how relevant the question of being love is. I mean seriously, what do people mean when they ask if you've been in love? I hope I don't descend into cynicism with this post. Seriously though, who cares if you've been in love. Isn't the more pertinent question have you ever been in love and have that same person love you back? Or is that what the question implies? It's easy to love someone. Hell, I've loved some people in my lifetime. So if you asked me the question "have you ever been in love," well, sure. But that tells you like next to nothing. Falling in love is nothing special really, unless the person loves you back. Falling in love and falling flat because the person you love doesn't love you back is like stabbing yourself in the face. You might as well ask me if I've stabbed myself in the face. I'm sure it hurts just as much as unrequited love.

I always find it somewhat frustrating to talk to people who think love is some kind of forbidden term... you know, the idea that we can only "really like" someone. That even though someone makes us happy, makes us better, changes our lives and vice versa, god forbid that we use the term "love" to describe this feeling and must reduce ourselves to using "really like and care about" because "love" is too hot a word to handle. I mean seriously, let me feel my feelings dammit! I mean sure, love means something and it's an improper use of the term if we romp around spewing it forth regarding every infatuation we come across but really now, if you love someone, then "love" is the term you use. I can't stand it when people say "Wow, (person x) told (person y) she loved him?" as if person x were an idiot and didn't know what she said when she used the term "love". Please, you can love people without marrying them. It's not a term that's so restricted that we can only say it to our partners AFTER we've consumated post-marriage and are 3 months away from our first child. Honestly...

Oftentimes too, people try to avoid thinking about the person they date as a potential marriage partner. Ok, to an extent, of course, I'm not saying that you should be planning your life after marriage with every person you date. But at the same time, it's not insane or taking it too far to simply ask yourself if this is someone you could, potentially, see yourself marrying. I'm not saying plan to marry this person, but I think you should at least be able to see a potential in being with this person for a long time otherwise why in the hell are you dating?! People seem to think evaluating marriage compatibility is WAY too serious a thing to think about when you're "just dating" but please, I'm not going to date someone if I know absolutely and unequivocally that there's no way I would ever spend the rest of my life with her. What's the point of dating someone you KNOW you're going to break up with eventually. I'm taking great pains here to underscore a point. It's not that you should expect to be with someone forever when you're "just dating" but there's little point, in my opinion, of "just dating" someone you know for a fact you're going to break up with. That just seems insane to me. You should at least consider the possibility of being with someone you date for a long time. But no, people are all squeamish about this topic too. It's the same people who are squeamish about using the term "love".

2006 play of the year nominations:

"Melky Cabrera robs Manny Ramirez"
"Gary Matthew goes above and beyond"
"Tadahito Iguchi defies gravity"

Then there's this play of the year nomination:

"Aaron Rowan runs into fence"

Someone on the Phillies took creative license with that title. It was probably something like: Aaron Rowan runs into fence and robs a homerun or something but whoever wrote it must have been too lazy to put in the robbing of homerun part. It sounds like he just charged headfirst into a giant fence and it was an instant "play of the year".